


Live: Epilogue

by nohyuck (cosmic97)



Series: Live: The Series [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Protective Lee Taeyong, everyone else is mentioned - Freeform, norenhyuckmin is the ship but theyre only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-07 03:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19076653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic97/pseuds/nohyuck
Summary: A year later, Donghyuck reminisces on the rooftop that started it all.Or the difference a year of recovery can make.





	Live: Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> The conclusion you guys may not have wanted but needed. Thank you for sticking by this story. Enjoy ~

 

Live.

 

It's not an easy thing to do. Lee Donghyuck has learned that the hard way but he believes, ultimately, that living is worth it.

 

A year ago today, he would've said differently.

 

He sits down on the rooftop, staring at the sunset, watching the familiar pink and blue hues. He thinks about the day that changed his life.

 

A year ago today, Donghyuck had been ready to end it all. Everyday felt like a struggle -- an endless game of tug of war, a game he was destined to lose.

 

He remembers feeling alone, his body numb but his heart aching from every emotion he could not comprehend -- anger, sorrow, misery and so much _sadness._  Every breath felt like a waste and he had been ready to take his last.

 

He remembers his saving grace; loud footsteps, the screech of a metal door being slammed open and the scream of his name.

 

He can remember it as if it was yesterday.

 

It's bittersweet - his mind full of memories of pills and a hospital bed. They play in his mind like a movie screening. The images are clear and he thinks he will always be able to remember it so vividly.

 

It's a curse. Attempting suicide is an invisible scar that never heals. It will _always_ be there, even when he gets older and wiser. There will always be the memory, a reminder of what he did, of knowing and feeling what it's like to be so far gone that only death felt like the right option.

 

He knows better now, a year later that it's not the only option. Recovery is a bumpy road but it does in fact get better.

 

He use to scoff whenever he read that. _How could it get better when it's been years?_

 

It does get better, but they never tell you that there has to be a reason _why._ That something must occur, that there has to be a change, whether external or internal for it to get better.

 

No one tells you that it gets better after time. That you won't wake up one morning and everything is immediately better, it doesn't work like that.

 

No, it'll be gradual. You'll be laughing at something dumb your best friend said and suddenly you'll stop and it will all make sense.

 

Donghyuck remembers his moment.

 

Jeno had just made a joke, it wasn't _that_ funny but Jaemin had faked laughed so hard he choked and milk came out of his nose. Donghyuck had shared a look with Renjun before the two burst into laughter.

 

_"Karma's a bitch huh Nana!" Jeno had said smugly._

 

Donghyuck remembers the tears falling down his face as he laughed and thought _oh, this is it._ If he had died, he would've missed this. He would've missed out on laughing at his three boyfriends and their dumb antics. He would've missed Jaemin squirting milk out his nose like water streamers. He would've miss all of this.

 

 _God I'm so glad I'm alive,_ he thought fondly as he giggled.

 

Donghyuck is so young, so painfully young and he has so much more to experience. There will always be feelings of depression and numbness but they will pass as they always do.

 

There's something funny about being ready to die, Donghyuck thinks, it's not until you're ready to die that you really know what it's like to be alive.

 

He breaths in, a smile on his face as he watches the sun set.

 

His thoughts are interrupted as the door screeches and footsteps make their way across the roof. The person sits down next to him.

 

"I figured I would find you here." Taeyong says as he stares at the sunset.

 

Donghyuck turns to him, his smile growing, "I thought it'd be nice to look back on everything, to go where it all began."

 

A year changes things and Donghyuck can say with confidence that his relationships with his hyungs have improved by a longshot.

 

Johnny and Yuta play around with him like they use to, babying him and playing along with all of his schemes. Doyoung remains his favorite hyung, who constantly sticks up for him and does his best to be there for him emotionally. Taeil has become more and more affectionate with him and he loves it, he loves being a source of energy for his fellow gemini. Jaehyun will always be special to him because of his past crush and he's happy whenever Jaehyun takes pride in being one of closest hyungs. Jungwoo has become a part of 127 and quickly became his go to for hugs.

 

Donghyuck misses Sicheng, who he rarely sees because of WayV, but he knows he loves him nonetheless. Taeyong is still the wonderful leader that he admires. He cooks him food when he misses home and never forgets to tell him how proud he is of him. Things quickly went back to normal with Mark and they've become best friends just like when they were trainee days. Past issues were solved and Donghyuck even did his best to help Mark get together with Yukhei.

 

He's lucky to have repaired his relationships with everyone. He even gained new hyungs in the span of a year. Wayv can't interact with them too closely in the public eye but that doesn't stop them from being close behind closed doors. Xiaojun is his beautiful and kind hyung, he has the voice of an angel and the heart of one. He knows he can go to him whenever he needs comfort. Guanheng is a dork and he fits in very well with rest of 99 line. He's Donghyuck's favorite to play video games with because he always lets him win.

 

Yangyang is interesting, he speaks more languages than Donghyuck can and is wise beyond his years, even if he is younger than Donghyuck yet he never fails to quote a vine. His boyfriends have been conspiring on how to get Yangyang to join their poly relationship (to not much success, Kun is a very protective gè).

 

It's all so different to Donghyuck, who had been used to feeling like an outsider for so long. It's different but it's good and he couldn't be happier with the way things have changed.

 

Hansol still messages him from time to time to check up on him. He's busy with his permanent group Newkidd and Donghyuck couldn't be happier that his hyung has finally found his place to belong to.

 

"Want to talk about what's going on up there?" Taeyong asks.

 

Donghyuck puts his head on his hyung's shoulder, "I'm just wondering about the decision I made that day. I was so ready to die but you guys got to me on time. A part of me is thinking about recovery and if it was worth it."

 

"It's been a year, do you think it was worth it?"

 

Donghyuck hums, thinking about everything that's happened in the last year and about their upcoming world tour.

 

"Life sucks sometimes, like really badly but it's also wonderful. A year changes so much. I don't think I'm a hundred percent recovered, recovery is an ongoing process but I think I've gotten to the point where I'm happy to be alive, where I will never attempt it again. I'm just really happy I get to experience all of this -- the good and the bad and I can't wait to see what life brings next."

 

Taeyong smiles at the boy next to him. Life has been so cruel to him but he rose above it, he fought on and he matured and became the wonderful young adult he is today.

 

"I'm really glad you're alive too Hyuckie and I can't wait to see what you experience next."

 

Donghyuck chuckles, "It all seems so familiar huh?"

 

"Yeah a bit," Taeyong says with a chuckle of his own. He stands up and extends a hand to Donghyuck, "C'mon let's go get some ice cream, hyung's treat."

 

Donghyuck grabs his hand and lets him pull him up, "Okay. What for?"

 

Taeyong hums, "Just because. We're alive and we get to experience another day together."

 

Donghyuck breathes in, inhales and exhales. He smiles as Taeyong grabs his hand and pulls him along.

 

"What a great day to _live."_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe a year ago today, I published my first work, Live. Live means a lot to me, even a year later. It was my first time writing fic (and posting it) in over 5 years. I had written Harry Potter and Percy Jackson fanfiction in 2013 before it no longer interested me and I ran out of time. Live was my own personal story about suicide and recovery through the eyes of Donghyuck and I am eternally grateful for what this fic gave me. To this day, this fic has the most hits and kudos (it was when i wrote this but as of now, my skz fic has overthrown it ) and is what boosted my start into writing fic and aus. I don't know who I'd be without this fic to be honest. Writing is such an important (and healthy coping mechanism) part of my life now and i met some of my closest friends through Live.  
> As you can tell, most of my nct fics just went on abrupt hiatus and I apologize for that. I am so fond of Live, even with all the terrible writing but it's the only completed NCT series I will ever write. Live exposed me more and more to the fandom and with that I experienced a lot of things that I did not like. I still stan NCT but they are no longer my ults and writing for them no longer makes me happy. I hope everyone understands that and I apologize to everyone who was waiting for You Raise Me Up to update. I've moved on, much like Donghyuck and I hope you continue to follow me on my journey. My Twitter and cc will be linked below and I write for Stray Kids under the pseud 3racha (infinitethe8). Thank you for everything and here's to another year of living 🎉
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/infinite_hao)
> 
>  
> 
> [curious cat ](https://curiouscat.me/infinite_3racha)


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